Standing Upon Entry

           While it is an odd point of conversation, when to stand for people in deference is a fascination of mine surpassed only by my fascination with the rules governing tiaras. In other words it shows deference to stand when certain people enter and leave a room, but in the interest of not looking like someone trying to be more fancy that he has any right to be, one must ask the question: when is it appropriate to do so?

The first criteria to consider is gender. Most all of us have heard a gentleman stands when a lady enters the room. However, this does beg the question: does a gentleman stand every time a lady enters the room or leaves? The answer is (generally speaking) no. A gentleman stands when a lady arrives and departs at a rather intimate gathering. If it is a large gathering he stands when she introduces herself, or when someone the gentleman knows arrives. If it is very small, like a dinner party, every gentleman stands when she stands. Though if a lady tells you not to stand for her, it is best not to. Most times a woman stands at dinner it is to excuse herself to the restroom, and many women would not like attention drawn to that fact. Therefore: stand until she tells you to not stand, then don’t.

With that being said, there are exceptions to this rule. Age really applies in that a man is not necessarily expected to stand for his daughter or grand-daughter (though it is not necessarily a bad thing), and the elderly are not expected to continue to stand when their bodies are no longer as able My grandfather did not stand for people when he was in his 90s because he was in his 90s). Similarly, a man in his forties may not be required to stand for a woman in her twenties, but a true gentleman will begin to stand for a woman who is 18 or older, as they understand how much of a difference it can make to the insecurities which come with youth to be treated as an adult when one has just crossed that line and does not yet believe it herself. Children on the other hand should be taught from a young age to stand for adults who enter the room. Though the adult should excuse them to go back to what they were doing in a timely fashion rather than abuse his power over someone lacking in the ability to pay attention for more than a minute (if that).

It is also important to note that the above listed criteria are if all other things are equal. Rank is also a factor, though it is a little less clear. While the military has very clear rules as to who stands for whom, civilian rules are not so much, and you may be required to do some research if you have a question about a special guest. The easiest rule is that if you are ever in the room with a head of state or his spouse, when they stand, no one sits (remember The West Wing). That rule is absolute and anyone who can has no excuse not to, as to disrespect a head of state is to disrespect the state he heads. The same goes for Ambassadors. When a high ranking official (congressman, governor) enters the room it is best to stand when he enters and leaves, and when your boss enters for the first time, and leaves for the last you should also do the same. I’m sure those rules will be essential to know in the course of your life. Also note: they will not stand for ladies, while ladies should stand for them.

            These rules may vary. I do believe it is not bad to adhere to these rules in a more relaxed culture, but in some circumstances, it is not appropriate not to. How people behave in private is different. I generally like to stand and greet a girlfriend when she comes home, but I do not get off the couch every time she gets up, or get out of bed because she had a long night. Similarly, at a large party men should not adhere to these rules except with women with whom they have personal relationships. In class people should no longer stand for their professor. However, in meeting a significant other’s parents, a young man should always stand for her mother until instructed otherwise, and a young woman should stand each time she greets his parents.

            There are many places that the art of standing for people has fallen out, but I highly recommend bringing it back where possible as it is a nice and generous touch. If ever in doubt, remember, standing is a sign of respect. To stand for someone is to show you respect him. If you keep in mind whether or not you wish to make such a statement, then it will become easier to fill in the situation.